Relayed telepathically from the Beer Guru’s personal seat at the bar of The Beer Temple, near Llahsa, somewhere in the Himalayas.

When The Beer Guru revealed his plan for world domination, some people got the wrong idea. They immediately thought that the Beer Brothers had formed an extremist, paramilitary arm, set up a secret base and armed it with a stash of AK47s and a whole lot of beer.

Now, before this gets out of hand and ends in tears, The Beer Guru would like to remind everyone that his plan for world domination is a peaceful operation involving love, goodwill, laughter, smiles and, yes of course, beer.

He does not want to encourage anyone to mix beer and guns. Such combinations are always disastrous.

The paramilitary arm of the Beer Guru movement is therefore hereby disbanded. As of now.


As a general policy, the Beer Guru advocates surrender in every situation. Do not think of this as surrender to an enemy. The Beer Guru insists it is surrender to the will of the universe, or God’s will (or the Beer Goddesses’ will), so that we may fall in line with whatever plans the universe has for us.

All such surrender should be conducted ceremonially, in a sacred manner, in a recognised beer temple.

The Beer Guru’s campaign for world domination is a campaign for world peace and love and the sharing of beer and wisdom.

Only through surrender can we take over the world.

Initially, the Beer Guru held the opinion that this did not apply to the situation between China and Tibet. He believed that the imperialistic commie bastards in Peking needed their arses blown to kingdom come in order to encourage them to stop stomping over a country that clearly did not belong to them and and did not want them destroying its centuries-old unique culture.

He has since tasted Chinese beer and, in a moment of instant enlightenment, now understands what the real problem is.

Their beer is terrible.

Yet, much as they need it, they are not in Tibet to seek The Beer of Enlightenment.

The Beer Guru’s plan of world Domination must introduce them to it.